The Prodigal Daughter Returns, Part One
-- or, reverse culture shocks upon my return to The States
Hello, friends and readers, and welcome back! I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus lately, traveling first to spend Thanksgiving with my family in Kentucky and then returning to Denmark only to leave again right away for a jolly holiday in Germany. But, I’m back now, and have thankfully had a chance to sleep, rehydrate, and eat some green vegetables. Feeling thus refreshed, I’m also back with this fresh dispatch, which I hope you will enjoy.
When one makes the expatriate leap, people are always super curious about the culture shocks experienced in the new country, and for good reason — things are always different, and — as my Danish IQ Test Series shows — the everyday realities of life can become entirely surprising and unpredictable.
But among expatriates, there’s always a lot of talk about reverse culture shocks — the things you experience when you return to your home country. Having just spent two weeks in my old Kentucky home after more than a year of living abroad, I’m here to say — reverse culture shocks are very real.
Here are a few of mine. But before we get there, just a note: these are just my experiences, and I am very aware that these things are not true of every person and place in the United States and/or Denmark. I’m not trying to compare Denmark and the The States, because they’re far too different, and that kind of comparison would be meaningless — what I am doing is simply sharing the things I noticed and felt upon coming home.
Driving Is Like Riding a Bicycle
While home, I borrowed my mom’s car and drove to a nearby town to have lunch with my stepbrother, his wife, and two of their kids. That was on November 24th, and it was the first time I had driven a car since July 2022.
Turns out, once you’ve been a driver, you really don’t forget how to do it. It all came back really quickly. I teased my mom about being nervous to let me drive (and even sent a “proof of life” text when I got to the restaurant) but it was honestly like a reflex.
I have never been one of those people who enjoys driving, and I can report that my absence from driving did not make my heart grow fonder of it. I drove one more time while I was home, and it was uneventful and easy, but, ugh. I disliked every minute of it and am glad to be back in a place where I don’t have to.
Oh, even though Americans think of Europe as driving on “the wrong side” of the road, Danes also drive on the right-hand side of the road. A US driver’s license is perfectly acceptable in Denmark, so Mike and I can drive here legally with them - we’ve rented a car a few times, but only Mike has driven here because, as I said before, ew.
So Much Time in Cars, So Little Space to Walk
I mean, I knew it would be this way, but I was somehow still shocked by how much time people spend in their cars, and — by extension — how little time they spend walking.
My mom’s house is, as folks there would say, about a 15-20 minute drive to town — depending on which town you choose. And that alone is not a lot of time. But once you’re in town, you still have to drive to all of the places for your errands. Neither town is designed to be walkable — you can’t park in one spot and then walk to the post office, bank, grocery store, pizza place, or pharmacy. So that 15-20 minutes of driving time easily grows to an hour or more, and that’s before you’ve even returned home. And if you forget something and have to go back in the same day? Oy vey.
Because nothing useful is within walkable distance, there’s very little incentive to walk at all. Especially when the weather isn’t great. My mom lives near a highway, so walking along that is definitely not ideal — to go for a nice walk somewhere, just for the heck of it, means getting in the car and driving to a walkable place. We used to do that all the time — I remember so many drives out to Paintsville Lake so we could walk the trail. But now, that strikes me as crazy — having to drive somewhere to go for a walk, really?!?! But that’s the way it is, and like I said, I used to think nothing of it at all.
Since moving to Denmark, I always hit my 10, 000 steps a day. Generally, I’m far above that. While at home, I was taking so few steps a day that My Apple watch was angry with me — sending constant shame notifications that I needed to get moving. I stopped wearing it after two days.
You’ve Got Mail
I know that the USPS is a frequent target of criticism and complaint, but — my fellow Americans — you simply do not know how good you’ve got it.
Nearly every day while I was home, I witnessed prompt, efficient, and cheap delivery of mail to my mom’s house. She had done some online holiday shopping, and the arrival of every package was met with a surprised: “Oh, that’s already here? I just ordered it!” And almost everything had shipped to her for free.
In Denmark, our postal service, PostNord, is not nearly so prompt, and it is rarely ever free. Delivery takes a long time. PostNord frequently claims they were unable to deliver to our home and instead leave our packages at remote sites for us to pick up — nearly every time this has happened, we have both been home and our doorbell has not been rung. It’s all very suspect.
Plus, postage here is so expensive! Right after we moved, I excitedly sent out 15 postcards to friends in the US. I wasn’t great at converting Danish Kroners to dollars yet, and I was still kind of nervous about interactions with Danes, too, so I didn’t pay much attention. But as I walked home, it slowly dawned on me that I had just spent a lot of money on stamps. I grabbed my receipt and dialed up the currency app on my phone, then audibly gasped — those 15 postcards had cost $75 dollars to send.
That’s $5 dollars per postcard.
I entertained the notion of sending my husband a post card from Kentucky while I was there. I even looked for one when we ran errands, but I didn’t see any. I did, however, check to see how much it would have cost to send a postcard to Denmark.
$1.50.
Oh, United States Postal Service, you deserve all of the love.
Could You Turn It Down a Skosh?
Everything seemed very loud. I’m sure it was always this loud before and I was just used to it, but this visit, I found myself wishing I had packed ear plugs.
On my first night home, my brother, sister-in-law, and I went to dinner — we parked nearby and walked to the restaurant, which was nice. But I was immediately aware of how loudly we had to talk just to hear each other. There was so much road noise — cars with engines running and revving, brakes squealing, sound systems blaring, and horns honking — that it was hard to hear much else. But all the businesses we passed were also pumping music out of their speakers, creating a sidewalk cacophony.
The road noise was just as present away from town at my Mom’s house. Because she lives close to the highway, I could hear the cars and trucks driving by all the time, even inside the house. There are definitely cars in Aarhus, but there just aren’t enough of them to be so consistently noisy. When we hear car noise, we notice it because it’s rare — it’s not common enough to fade into the background here.
I also noticed that stores and restaurants felt louder than I remember, or at least, louder than what I’m used to now. I had lunch with my mom and step-dad at a cute little Mexican place — they had great guacamole, and it was such a treat! — but it was such sensory overload. Music was playing loudly, and tvs on every wall were showing different American football and basketball games — it was just so much to take in, and I couldn’t help wondering how people talked to each other with so much going on.
In my experience here, music is kept pretty low, and that whole multiple tvs with multiple games thing doesn’t happen — unless you’re at a place specifically for that, like the local English pub during football season. When we go to dinner here, I notice that the primary sound I hear is other people talking.
Anything here surprising? Or sound familiar to other expats? I’d love to hear your takes and experiences.
I have more of reverse culture shocks to share, and I’ll be back later this week with the rest of them. Talk soon!
In our recent whirlwind trip to the US, I noticed similar culture shocks. I also noticed that every social activity costs money, shopping or spending money is the main recreational activity, and/or one is always paying a fee to access various venues like parks or gardens. There is almost nowhere to simply meet and talk with others, and most of our time was spent in restaurants which served as meeting places with friends and family. There is almost no public space. I also noticed how much Americans talk about spending or making money. If they are not talking about their jobs, they are talking about their expenses, investments, and/or discussing various "good deals" they obtained.
My biggest culture shock was the sheer volume of stuff to buy in virtually every place one goes to. From the gift shop at Cracker Barrell to the plain ol grocery store or Walgreens. I was completely overwhelmed, often forgetting what I needed to buy, and ending up with a bunch of stuff I just grabbed because there were so many options.
As a service based economy, the US is quite pleasant to visit because you are the one being served, which gives one a sort of illusion as to the friendliness of Americans who are paid (generally poor wages) to wait on you, check you in, scan your items, bag your groceries etc. The food in the US was delicious and unhealthy, and I noticed after a few days my energy nosediving due to diet.
The police presence in major cities is also a bit of a shock. We saw nine police cars used to pull over one car, and the cops were everywhere, no matter how big or small the town. I had only heard sirens where we live in DK once or twice in the previous 3 months whereas the sirens are basically nonstop in parts of the US. That really stood out to me.
All in all it was a great trip mostly because we could enjoy being there without the hassles of living there, which is a completely different experience, and one which I do not personally miss.
I remember one of the first times we returned to Germany after moving to the States - my mom and I went grocery shopping and we were standing at the check out lane just chatting, people started looking at us and the cashier eventually made a comment about us not packing up our own groceries. We were standing there waiting for someone to pack up our food like they do here in the States - that service does not exist in Germany. We were so embarrassed but now we laugh about it. :)