Interview With an Expat: My Husband, Mike
-- on the occasion of his one year Viking anniversary!
This week, this handsome fella hit a pretty big milestone — he has officially been an American expat in Denmark for a full year!
**pauses for applause**
To mark this occasion, I thought it would be fun to ask Mike some questions about this wild and crazy year. And because he’s so great, he agreed, and he came through with some really spectacular answers.
Meg: What’s something you love about living in Denmark?
Mike: I love the opportunity to do a deep dive on things that are new - not just a drive by experience, but get to understand the nuance and the sophistication of the differences. I’m experiencing life through a lens I would have never had if I had stayed in the States.
More than anything, it’s the experience of being an “other” here. Because I’m not at all Danish, and everyone clocks that immediately.
Meg: What’s something about living here that could be better?
Mike: The food! I mean, the good stuff is good. The way the Danish do pastries and ice cream and hot dogs is second to none. Living somewhere else, I feel like the food culture would impact me more. Like, I suppose living in Italy would cause me to embrace the Italian way of eating, or living in France would inspire me to eat like the French, but living in Denmark has not made me want to eat like the Danes. There just isn’t the richness or variety of flavors that I enjoy. Remoulade is not something I’m ever going to love. Or even like. I miss the diversity of food. Even Indian food here is really just Danish food.
Meg: What’s something you wish you had known before you moved to Denmark?
Mike: How unlike it is from all the things you read. You know, we read all the books and blogs and listened to all the podcasts about what living in Denmark would be like. It’s only vaguely living up to the advertisement. It’s billed as one of the happiest places on earth, but happy is the wrong word. I see it as contentment. People feel safe and taken care of - they know their needs will be met.
But having said that, you can’t really prepare for living in another culture. Another person’s opinion of or experience with that culture is never the full story. Culture doesn’t translate well.
Meg: What’s something you thought you knew about Denmark but discovered you were completely wrong about?
Mike: Honestly, I didn’t know a lot about Denmark. I was invested in what podcasts and books said, and I’m sure there are parts of Denmark that are identical to those things, but Aarhus is not. Like, people say that Danes aren’t emotional or don’t express emotions, but that’s not true. They’re very private, but they still laugh and cry, have good times and bad ones, and you see that all around you.
Meg: Denmark is famously the 2nd happiest country in the world. What’s something you’ve seen or experienced here that you think contributes to that?
Mike: The universal appeal of sunlight. When the sun is out, the culture changes immediately. Everyone flocks to the outdoors. They lay on the grass. They eat every meal outside. They sleep on their balconies. Whatever they can do to feel the sun, they do it. But it’s not out of desperation; it's just because they love it.
Meg: What’s something you miss about the US?
Mike: The food! I have yet to get homesick. There’s music here. We can walk outside on the weekends and hear music in the square, and that feels a little like being back in Austin. But it’s the food culture. It’s being in Maryland and eating blue crab out of the bay. Or being in Austin and eating Torchy’s tacos and barbecue and street food from trucks. I miss that.
Meg: What’s your most embarrassing/hilarious expat story?
Mike: My first 90 days was a series of embarrassments! I moved here in my 50s and had to get on a bike to go to work — or anywhere at all far — and I faceplanted. I didn’t know where to take my trash out or how the dryer worked. I made so many jokes that would have killed back home but did not land with Danes and then felt like I needed to apologize for it. I watched Danish senior citizens lap me on walks and Danish children shame me with the number of grocery bags they could carry home without breaking a sweat. I once got on the wrong bus for work and went in the opposite direction — I had to get a cab just to make it in on time.
Meg: Do you think this experience has changed anything about you? If so, what?
Mike: I don’t know. When you get used to the water, the water feels fine. If we went back to the States, I would feel differently. I don’t realize how this has changed me yet because I’m still here.
Meg: What advice would you tell someone thinking about doing this?
Mike: It doesn’t matter where you move, the second you leave your native whatever it is, you have to meet the demands of that place. You have to be willing to meet challenges and put yourself out there, do things you don’t want to do in ways you don’t want to do them. If you think anything is going to be the same, and you let that be a hang up, this probably won’t work for you.
Meg: Based on this first year, if you had it to do over again, would you? Why/why not?
Mike: I probably would. No one at the end of their life regrets the things they did – just the things they didn’t. Some people find comfort in the unchanged and familiar, but I’m not one of them. I have a bit of wanderlust, and I moved so much as a kid in a military family. So yeah, I would do it again. I suspect I’ll fail less during those first 90 days on my second time around.
Meg: Anything else you want to add?
Mike: Doing this, it’s interesting. It’s a story that we’re writing, and we can’t possibly know the outcome of it. So all we can do is set ourselves up to have a great story. So let’s do that.
What a guy, amirite?
You get my perspective on living in Denmark all the time here, and I’m so glad to be able to offer a different voice this week. Did anything here surprise you? Or is there a question you wish I’d asked, but didn’t? Let me know!
And thanks a bunch, Mike! I love you, and I like you.
Some good stuff I’ve been reading this week:
If We Need Only 5 Friends, Why Do We Need 500 Social Media Sites? by Margit Detweiler of The TueNight Social
Hetty, the Vegetable Queen by Lukas Volger of Family Friend by Lukas Volger
Why You Shouldn't Try to Travel Like a Local by Samantha Childress of The Cairo Dispatch
What a good wife you are! Lovely piece. I really hope you guys are appreciating the full range of Danish pastries while you can. You'll never eat another "Danish" again if you return home. Try "chokoladesnegle" next time you see a Lagkagehuset! If only we could live off of pastries alone :)
I was glad to meet your handsome husband! You two sure look like a match. It was good to hear Mike's side of living in Denmark. His comments about the food in Denmark AND in the States surprised me, but I appreciated that he appreciated the variety of food 'back home'.